Ni minns Arsène Wengers utbrott efter Stoke, vars spelare bara var ute efter att skada Arsenals?

Ni minns vad han sa på presskonferensen?

– The one who is tackling is not the brave one, for me the brave one  is the one trying to play football.

– It happened at the weekend. Do you really feel that Delap tried to play the ball when he tackled Walcott or that Shawcross tried to play the ball when he tackled Adebayor off the pitch? All the players have been injured deliberately.

Om le Professor var gnällig eller hade rätt får var och en avgöra. Jag lutar åt att han hade rätt, och att det finns ett problem vad gäller domarnivån i England, som tillåter karriärshotande tacklingar och kallar dem ”tuffa”.

Men, till poängen – det fina med den här sortens uttalanden är att de öppnar en milsbred aveny för ironi och sarkasmer.

Den här gången hann lokalblaskan The Sentinel först, med sina spelarbetyg till matchen Wigan–Stoke:

Wigan–Stoke 0–0

SORENSEN: Fine aerial work first half and important saves in the second to deserve clean sheet. Never tried to injure anyone 8

GRIFFIN: Maintained rich vein of form and led by example. Never tried to injure anyone 8

HIGGINBOTHAM: Some decent deliveries first half, but reduced to excellent defensive display in the second. Never tried to injure anyone 8

SHAWCROSS: A couple of iffy challenges left you wondering, but came through with strong mental and physical display under extreme pressure at times. Never tried to injure anyone 8

AB FAYE: Outstanding with the ball at his feet as he looked the coolest player on the field at times. Never tried to injury anyone 8

OLOFINJANA: Little chance to shine on a day when he simply had to dig in with the rest. Never tried to injury anyone 6

DIAO: Stuck to his task superbly as he almost became a third centre-half in the end by putting feet and head in where it might have hurt. Never tried to injure anyone 7

AMDY FAYE: Showed nice creative touches before that gave way to more mundane defensive duties with sensible tackling and great team ethic. Never tried to injury anyone 7

DELAP: Only three really long throws, but contributed so much more with another reminder of why he’s a full-back’s dream partner. Never tried to injury anyone 7

SIDIBE: Always struggling to muck in after a couple of bangs eventually left him departing prematurely. Never tried to injury anyone 6

FULLER: Not much of a goal threat, but wonderful work in isolated areas to play his part in excellent team ethic. Never tried to injure anyone 7

SUBSTITUTES
KITSON (for Sidibe, 48): Passing not its usual standard, but got his tackles in during what was always destined to be unglamorous offering. Never tried to injury anyone 6

CRESSWELL (for Am Faye, 84): Soon got booked, but he’s always useful in backs-to-the-wall operation. Never tried to injure anyone 6

WHELAN (for Olofinjana, 86): Not his type of game and few chances to pick his pass. Never tried to injure anyone 6

/Simon Bank (Never tried to injure anyone)